The Holidays: An Opportunity to Navigate Family Dynamics in a Mindful Way

Stephen here!

You know that phrase that goes something like “X person is really pushing my buttons!”? As I perceive it, your family of origin is made up of the folks who installed those buttons in the first place. Because of this and so many other reasons, the holidays can be a tough time for many, especially in terms of family dynamics. As I’ve heard multiple clients and practitioners say over the years, “well, at least going home to visit family an is opportunity to see how much I’ve grown!”

Here are 5 Hakomi-informed tips to stay present with yourself in to help you navigate challenging family dynamics during the holidays:

1. Practice Mindful Awareness

Hakomi emphasizes mindfulness as a tool for self-awareness. During holiday gatherings, it can be really tough to stay present to your own experience when there are so many others swirling around you. But when you can notice, without judgment, whatever comes up in your emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations, you can first own those things and then respond more calmly and lovingly to whatever family dynamics are playing out.

2. Cultivate Compassionate Curiosity

Approach difficult interactions with as much compassionate curiosity as you can muster—both towards yourself and others. In Hakomi, this means being open to exploring the deeper emotions and beliefs behind behavior. See if, under the frustration, anger, and irritation, you can ask yourself, "What might be going on beneath the surface?" This can help you maintain empathy for all parties involved (indulging yourself!), even when tensions rise.

3. Set Gentle Boundaries

Hakomi encourages honoring your needs while being attuned to others. Setting boundaries that are clear and gentle during holiday interactions can help maintain emotional balance. Communicating your limits actually means taking care of yourself—and if you can do so compassionately and relationally, you’re less likely to alienate others whose needs are different than your own. For example, you might say, "I need to step away for a bit, but I’d love to reconnect later.” In some cases, like when there’s been severe abuse, use, or disrespect, you actually need to have bigger boundaries: like not speaking to someone at all for whatever length of time. It often feels best to make these boundaries in a mindful and empowered way, too! Sometimes staying connected with yourself means disconnecting from someone else.

4. Slow Things Down:

Pause before reacting to emotional triggers in family interactions. For instance, you might try taking a breath, noticing your body's sensations, and gently observing your feelings without judgment. This slowing down mindfully creates space to respond consciously rather than reacting impulsively, allowing for more compassionate and grounded communication.

5. Practice Self-Soothing Techniques

During particularly stressful moments, we need something soothing and emotionally nourishing. Self-soothing practices like going for a walk, taking deep breaths, body awareness exercises, or taking some time away alone or with a supportive other can be super helpful. At times, something as simple as placing a hand on your heart and sending yourself care or taking deep, mindful breaths alone in the bathroom or guest bedroom can help calm your nervous system and bring you back to a centered place, allowing you to return to family dynamics with greater ease.